Six Months of Not Smoking
Addiction sucks. Actually let me rephrase that, addiction isn't so bad. Breaking up with addiction is like sucking the chunky bits through a straw. Teresa and I started our last attempt to quit smoking on December 6th, 2002. It's been over six months and to the best of my memory neither of us have cheated. I think we can now officially say that we're "ex-smokers".
I never truely understood what people meant when they say "Once an addict always an addict", I think I have a little bit more of an idea now. Even after six months it's amazing how often something triggers my desire for a smoke, walking into someones house who I haven't seen for a while, going to the airport, certain bars, that elusive wiff of smoke as you walk past a door. It's never overwhelming but it's never far removed, a latent omnipresent desire.
I am now pretty sure that I wasn't that pysically addicted to nicotine, I was incredibly addicted to the ritual. I like smoking, I like being addicted to smoking, I just don't want to die a horrible death and pay PhillipMorris a premium for the priviledge. I like having something to fidget with, I like twirling the smoke in my mouth, I like the taste of smoke on Teresa's lips, I like the camaraderie amoungst the modern lepers and I love the enforced breaks.
It's the breaks I miss the most, the "Hey baby, wanna go smoke?" Since we never smoked inside every hour or two Teresa and I would end up outside talking. Often the mandatory five minute break would turn into an hour long discussion of whatever was on our minds.
That's what I miss about addiction, that's what I miss about smoking.