How to Write Like a Pundit
by chromatic Jul. 20, 2002 10:54 AM
- Take a stand. Don't back down. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong. People respect confidence. If necessary, repeat yourself until your message becomes conventional wisdom.
- Use the royal "we". People like to be told what to do, and they will recognize your strong community ties.
- Turn your experiences into absolutes. If you've seen something once, it must exist everywhere. If you've never seen it, it must not exist.
- Argue that people will fail unless they do as you suggest. No one wants to fail, and everyone wants a strong leader. People are confused by choices, and will welcome your wisdom, confidence, and charisma.
- Accept only complete agreement. Don't get caught up in the minutiae of debate. You look weak if you have to change your mind.
- Point out the stupidity of the commons. Only a few people are lucky enough to be so much more intelligent than the average person. You have to praise yourself before these folks will recognize your superiority.
There are more rules, but if you stick to these, wise readers will recognize your rhetorical skills. Good luck.
How to be a Pundit
A pundit, of course, is someone who others look to when they want opinions. Here's how to become one in four easy steps.
- Post constantly. Preferably daily. Preferably put every inane little thought to come out of your head on a weblog, so the whole world can see you post constantly. The first step to having a following is to reliably offer an opinion.
- Always say the same things. It doesn't particularly matter if the things you say are right, or even if they make sense. What's important is that they sound good, and that they're always the same. Followers don't want leaders saying confusing or ambiguous things.
- Include what a great guru/authority/visionary/leader you are as part of your message. Don't worry if you aren't actually one, the important thing is that people think you are.
- Arrange pre-packaged stories for journalists to print. Journalists rarely have the resources to research a story properly, so if you give them a story they can just reword a bit and print, they'll do that. Don't forget to include how great you are as an important point in the story.
Hopefully Jürgen didn't just read WordUp and this is his wry German humor showing through. -- Adam.
No, I just found this worthwhile to save, thought it fits here and had no other, better place to do so.
Regarding your edit comment. It's a shame that's a bug, I always considered it a feature of Moin. It's nice that it's only the first list marker that defines the type of list. It means if I change my mind I only have to change the first item to redo the whole list. -- Adam.
Well, we could make it a feature. Remind me if the bug ever breaks. ;))