"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." -- MarkTwain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -- General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- NormanSchwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." -- MargeSimpson
JacquesChirac: "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
RushLimbaugh: "As far as France is concerned, you're right."
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." -- RegisPhilbin
"The French are a smallish, motley-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." -- P. J O'Rourke
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it any more." -- JohnMcCain
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." -- ConanO'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" -- JayLeno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." -- DavidLetterman
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
"The heaviest cross I had to bear was the Cross of Lorraine." -- WinstonChurchill
"The French being against the war isn't quite enough for me to be in favor of it." -- Joe Klein (On the Jon Stewart Show)
"For Sale: One French rifle. Never fired. Dropped Once."
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a man of color, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war." -- Anonymous
"A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.
"The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats?, Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
"In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.
"And that is why, from that day to now, all French Army officers wear brown pants.
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:
"We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard in manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".